Details

I don't know about you, but I want details. I want to know the who, what, where, when, why, and how. Plus I want a paragraph in response to each of those questions. Sometimes I may want to have all the details repeated a few times. I want details from a variety of sources. Sounds like I am a bit over the top in the detail gathering ? However, I bet you know what I am talking about.

The truth is, I don't always get all the details I want when it comes to parenting my children and niece through a life challenge. Most of the time my sources are sharing the details that they remember or even noticed, but I feel I need more!

Through practice - and maybe asking the one question too many - I know when I have all the details I am going to get. People have a limit to what they are going to share. They also have their own perspective on what they view to be the important details. It's what we do with the details they do share that really matters.

I'm thinking about all the times we want details, details, details. How about when our child comes home from a long day at school and is upset? We want details, right? Or after a sleepover, school trip or time with friends? We want details! Basically, it's any time away from us -whether they are in pre-school or high school!

Our children may only share what they know or understand. Be careful with thinking they are lying or hiding something. They may only be telling you what they know to be true. It's hard for caring parents to let go of wanting all the details.

Sometimes the more we ask, the less we find out. It is really important to balance your want for information and method of gathering details with your child's temperament (Mary Kirchinka's book I blogged about before).

I know I typically will not have all the pieces of the puzzle but I usually will see the picture. Sometimes I have found myself with pieces of several puzzles that I thought were all part of one. That was kind of funny when I figured that out! ;)

I am learning over and over, that it is more important to focus my energy on what I do know and how I can be supportive while teaching a life lesson. That is the whole point of detail gathering - to know enough details so we can react in honor of protecting our children.


sharing and caring.
g

It was as if he discovered gold!

I had an amazing time in Lewiston, NY over the past two weeks. It was great to reconnect with family and friends and to see my children do the same.

I enjoyed meeting with the Parents Together parents at the park on July 1st. We talked a lot about a method that my husband discovered that helped our daughter take responsibility for her actions.

My daughter, ( she just turned 13 today!), often- yet not always -resists accepting responsibility. Sometimes to the point where my husband and I start to go crazy. Why won't she see that what she did caused a problem? A problem that's not so great that it can't be solved?? ;)

Before our trip, Justin took the parenting lead when Rachel lost the pool key. He and Rachel went back and forth about the lost key being her responsibility. I sat nearby and watched and listened to them. She was very persistent, as was Justin. Respectful and persistent.

Then something amazing happened. Justin broke "the responsibility" into percentages, and it was as if he discovered gold! It worked. Rachel softened and was able to see how she was partly responsible for losing the pool key. Phew!!

Since then, we have joked around about percentages, like " oh that was 80% my fault" It's sort of a family thing now. We are all using it and loving it!

While in Lewiston, Rachel discovered that she forgot her NY friend's birthday gift at home. Without hesitation she said with a smile, "this is 100% my fault". Ta da!!!!!!!!!

I shared this with Parents Together, and many were excited to try it with their children. One mom was going to apply that concept to herself. Too often she takes on 100% of the responsibility and she was discovering that that isn't usually the case.

It's exciting to have these breakthroughs!

sharing and caring!
g