Mondays can be rough - especially after a busy (yet fun) weekend.
Our daughter was exhausted and really had a struggle getting ready for school.
My husband and I encouraged her to push through her tiredness. She resisted. The power struggle began. I chose to walk away a few times and let Justin take the parenting lead. I found myself becoming agitated and wanted our interaction to remain mutually respectful. I know myself well enough to know when my words are just about to shift from stern and respectful, to sharp and demeaning.
Our daughter asked to be understood. "I just need for you to understand how exhausted I am, I need to sleep more." Her hope was that our understanding would support her staying home. My husband and I hugged her and mirrored back her feelings. We shared our own similar feelings and experiences and then clearly stated that she was going to school. After a lot of dialog, (she is an extroverted/feeler), she got our message and to school she went.
This morning was an opportunity for our daughter to evaluate her choices of activities over the weekend that led to her rough start today. She does not like the way this morning went for her and she is able to recognize where she could have made better decisions regarding her activities.
These struggles are hard on all involved. For me, understanding and compassion sometimes causes me to waiver. Yet, mornings likes these are when I need to lean on the basic foundation of parenting. What is our family standard? Well, unless you are sick, school is nonnegotiable. Based on our standard, my husband and I parented with love and respect while taking breaks for deep breaths! Getting through these issues (because there is no way around them ) will help each of us the next time!
What we all learn today will make for a better tomorrow....
g
3 comments:
i had the same struggle this morning with esmeralda. haha
seriously though...we have been adopted by a couple of people, but you guys are the first family that we are going to adopt.
congratulations :)
excellent! =)
Whew! Were you in NY recently, because this same scene could have been playing in my house! Except that school has not started here (but it has the same feel) and perhaps it would not have ended so well! The stern and respectful part that switches to sharp and demeaning--that is my stuggle for me. Because just like my daughter, I feel things very deeply. You are so right that there is no way around these times, so I have to keep focusing on going through them and keeping each of our dignities in tact. And knowing that this is a part of life with a teen! love you-Monica
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