Summer Parents Together

I have been invited to lead Parents Together in the Park while I am in New York. I am excited to connect with the Western New York families - face to face instead of with a webcam and cell phone!

Tuesday, July 1

11am to 1pm

at Faulkner Park in Youngstown, NY

We are using the Mary Sheedy Kurchinka book: Kids, Parents and Power Struggles

See some of you very soon!
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Time well spent

I have been working with a couple of families around the issue of reacting to situations that happen in life. The happy, positive issues are the easiest, of course. It's when life brings a challenge, then what? As parents, we role model how to react to a situation.

I often use Barbara Coloroso's phrase from her Kids are Worth It book, "There is no problem so great that it can't be solved." Since my children were very young, they have been hearing this phrase, and honestly I say it for me to hear too! I need a moment to realize that there is no problem so great that it can't be solved, before I am able to move forward.

The solution, however, may not be easy or even fun. Yet, there are solutions to our problems. Just as important as the solution, is the way we react. How did you react yesterday when something came up for your family? How did your family members react?

It's those emotions that get me. I become agitated and find my neck and shoulders stiffen. My skin feels prickly. I am learning to pause and reflect - even if it's just a few seconds. When I do, the emotions and the stress diminish. Then I can move forward.

What has recently become powerful for us is that we are praying. We were praying before, but it was a private, silent sort of action without much attention given to it. Today, we are openly turning to God for guidance and for thanksgiving. Those challenges are actually blessings building our character!

Life has it's ups and down, we all know that - we all live that. Your children are watching you react and need guidance around their own reactions. With your help, they can figure out what they need to do when challenges pop up. It's different for each person, and the time spent discovering what everyone needs, will be time well spent.

Thank GOD there is no problem so great that can't be solved.

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Six Critical Life Messages

A Parents Together favorite book is by Barbara Coloroso:
kids are worth it! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline

In her book, Coloroso lists what she calls "six critical life messages" that our children should receive from us as often as possible:

I believe in you

I trust you

I know you can handle this

You are listened to

You are cared for

You are very important to me

Some days can get really busy for our family, and
having these messages to refer to has been really helpful for me.

Ode to Mary Ellen and Parents Together

Today was a very special day ~ the end of Parents Together, as we know it.

Tears were flowing during our session - on both coasts! And yet, our hearts were warmed as we shared how this group has made an impact on our lives. Over and over again we shared how Parents Together helped us to know that we are not alone in our parenting adventures!

For 13 years we came together in honor of our children - of our families - in honor of supporting ourselves. It has been Amazing! Truly life altering.

Today Mary Ellen called Parents Together a gift of Love, Courage and Wisdom. She reflected how we would go deeper than "quick advice" to discover the layers of what was happening in our families. She admired our willingness to meet the challenges of parenting. Each one of us has been forever changed by this group and our time spent together.

Mary Ellen is an amazing facilitator and guide~ creating an environment where we would come and feel safe, not judged, and deeply deeply loved.

Yes, Parents Together is over... at least how we knew it to be. My son, Adam, sent me a text today, knowing how I was struggling with letting go of what Parents Together has been. He wrote, "But Parents Together will never die as long as you keep it alive" I send that message on to all of you. Let's keep Parents Together rippling out in ways we will not be able predict or imagine.

THANK YOU MARY ELLEN -
FOR ALL YOUR LOVE, COURAGE & WISDOM

love you dearly!
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a day to celebrate

Happy Father's Day ~ a day to celebrate your role in your family

Every day you role model some sort of behavior for your children. Every day.

It's time for hugs and celebrations, because your children have you in their lives.

Kurchinka refers to Emotion Coaching vs The Intimidator, challenging us to be aware of how we are parenting. ( did you get your hands on her book yet? )

It's powerful to take a step back and look at yourself through the eyes of your children. What do you think they see?

Today, when you connect with your children, remember that you are making memories. Be intentional in your interactions.

Enjoy today! Enjoy your children!
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take care

See if you can answer these questions...

What do I do to replenish my energy?

What do I need to feel refreshed and ready to move ahead?

Have I supported my children in the discovery of what they need to recharge?

oooooh those emotions!

When issues come up for our families, it's pretty amazing how things can end up when we take care of our emotions first.

Yesterday, a situation came up that affected my family. When I heard the details of what had happened, I was annoyed. Someone had been making negative comments to my children about one of us. Not cool. Not cool at all.

What Parents Together has taught me, is to acknowledge my own emotions and take the time to process through all of those before I approach to support my family. I was able to do this on my way home from work.

Wow, taking that time to process made such a difference. I was able to vent a bit with my husband and with friends to lower my intensity. When I got home I took more time and called my friend, Monica, to process further.

It worked.

After our family dinner together, while still sitting at the table, I brought up the issue for discussion. I asked them how they felt about what went on. Each one of the children shared. My husband did too. It felt great to be emotionally ready to really listen to them.

I was able to focus 100% on THEIR emotions and reaction to the "negative comments". My children needed to be heard. I was able to be the sounding board for each one of them to vent. I would have NEVER been able to do this without first processing through my own reaction.

I was able to point out the ways the children were supporting each other. They smiled as they took this in. I also pointed out the lesson we were given about treating people. We talked about honoring the fact that each person has their own perspective and view about each other. Not everyone will get along on this planet, yet the challenge is to stay respectful. It was a powerful discussion at the family dinner table.

We have bonded even closer because of this situation that came to our family. I had started out annoyed, but quickly became grateful to God for this gift our family received. Our night ended by hanging out together, playing games, and lots and lots of laughing! =)

This could have been a completely different night if I had not learned the importance of taking the time to process my emotions before approaching to support my family. A completely different night indeed.


For you, I share.
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