my little red friend

Years ago, I was at a place in my life where 1028% of my energy was going into my struggle with trying to help people I care about push through their fear of honoring the truth of the past. I was doing it, and it was not easy, and I wanted them to do it too.  My willingness to help them was consuming me.

It was a cold day in February, and while taking a shower I was thinking and stressing, thinking and stressing. I became distracted by a ladybug being beat on by the spray of the water. I stood and watched a few seconds before moving into action to help. I reached down and gently rescued the ladybug out of harm's way. I put the ladybug on the windowsill that was at eye level. I watched as the ladybug seemed to stand in peace. I felt content to have made a difference in the life struggle of this little red bug. All it took was a little action and things were so much better. I can help - maybe not the people in my life that I wanted to help - but I certainly helped this ladybug!!!

I opened the vent in the shower window to give this little ladybug some much needed fresh air. Within seconds I saw the ladybug's legs stiffen and he tipped over. I killed the ladybug. I was mortified. It was February in Lewiston, NY which meant the air that came through the shower window was freezing cold. The water and steam from my shower was anything but!    I stood in disbelief.   I had just killed the ladybug.   I began to cry.  

All at once God spoke to me.  I need to be cautious around helping others reach the goal which I have set. I need to be aware that what I may think is helpful, may not always be the case. I need to remember that life struggles are important for growth. My path of healing is not the same path of healing for others. My willingness to help can sometimes backfire and kill the progress that is being made. I need to step back and allow life struggles to happen, especially to those I care most about. I may not really know what the best steps to healing are, especially for others.  Sometimes, I need to leave well enough alone. When I am being helpful, I need to know when it's enough. I need to be careful about going too far presuming I know what is best.  As I stood in the shower staring at the dead ladybug that I had just killed, the messages from God were clear.

I still struggle with imposing on others what I think are the steps toward healing. I kid you not, when I feel like I am not helping enough, a ladybug shows up as a gentle reminder. I go from arrogance to humble in a matter of seconds. It's amazing to me. God is so clear! Over and over He reminds me to recognize my limits. It's within those limits that I am supportive and encouraging and helpful and at peace. When I slip up and go too far, like opening a window in February on a wet peaceful ladybug, I am reminded of the messages God gave me!

enjoy every day,
g

woe - tough morning!

Mondays can be rough - especially after a busy (yet fun) weekend.

Our daughter was exhausted and really had a struggle getting ready for school.   

My husband and I encouraged her to push through her tiredness.  She resisted.  The power struggle began.   I chose to walk away a few times and let Justin take the parenting lead.  I found myself becoming agitated and wanted our interaction to remain mutually respectful.  I know myself well enough to know when my words are just about to shift from stern and respectful, to sharp and demeaning.   

Our daughter asked to be understood.   "I just need for you to understand how exhausted I am, I need to sleep more."  Her hope was that our understanding would support her staying home.   My husband and I hugged her and mirrored back her feelings.  We shared our own similar feelings and experiences and then clearly stated that she was going to school.    After a lot of dialog, (she is an extroverted/feeler),  she got our message and to school she went.

This morning was an opportunity for our daughter to evaluate her choices of activities over the weekend that led to her rough start today.   She does not like the way this morning went for her and she is able to recognize where she could have made better decisions regarding her activities.

These struggles are hard on all involved.   For me, understanding and compassion sometimes causes me to waiver.    Yet, mornings likes these are when I need to lean on the basic foundation of parenting.    What is our family standard?   Well, unless you are sick, school is nonnegotiable.   Based on our standard, my husband and I parented with love and respect while taking breaks for deep breaths!   Getting through these issues (because there is no way around them ) will help each of us the next time!

What we all learn today will make for a better tomorrow....

g

The morning of their first day back to school

oh the truth

Truth.  Living the truth.  Speaking the truth.  Standing in your truth.   Easy to write, yet challenging to live.

I hesitate sharing my truth many times.   People will ask how I am, or how things are going in one aspect of my life or another and I respond by barely skimming the surface.   This fact, or truth about who I am, has been rearing it's ugly head this past week.

I expect, encourage, and sometimes even demand the truth from my children.    Not just with the details of their activities, but how they are feeling about a situation or two.  I encourage and support their telling the truth by saying that doing so will free their mind, lighten their soul, and bring focus to the situation in order to create a plan.

But, how often to I cower from doing the same?   Speaking the truth  takes a certain amount of courage.  There is a risk of being judged or misunderstood.   There is a risk of how the other person will respond.   Typically, in time, the risk becomes worth it.   I know this and yet...

I am doing a lot of self reflection, I guess a self-check, to discover what type of role model I am being for my children.   Do they see me taking the risk of speaking and living in the truth with love?  Do they see me being real - or do they see me being guarded and sticking to the surface without going deep?   

As my faith in God increases, I am learning  how insignificant the judgement from others should be.    What is holding me back from sharing my truth?   I believe most of it is trust.   I am not always sure I can trust those I want to share with.   I am blessed to have two amazing people in my life that I can trust, it's with others that I hesitate and become guarded.    Yet there is a desire in my soul to be free from the fear of judgement, and to be full of  joy by being real.  I want to create relationships where I will speak the truth, and they with speak the truth,  and we can support each other.    I know... I know...this all starts with me taking the risk necessary to create what I want.  

When I look at my relationships with my children, I wonder if I am doing what I can to encourage them to share, to be real, and speak their truth.   Do they trust me with all that they are?  Can they trust that I am being real with them too?  

It is so delicate and yet so powerful to take the risk to speak the truth and create supportive relationships, especially with our children.

It's worth a self-check!

g